Hey you,

There was a hiking trail this week that I wanted to make to the very top so bad but couldn’t. My boyfriend could still go on if he wanted to, but he decided to also stop and go home with me. I felt bad and apologized.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s still a nice day. And you walked so far already. Did you see that below? We came from there.”

I looked, and oh boy, was that the highest thing I ever hiked. Even more than the 385.3m elevation of Jenzig, a mountain in the city where I currently reside in Germany.

I shrieked with delight, but secretly I was also angry at myself for beating myself up... again.

I’m guilty of the same negativity bias in my day-to-day life. For example, I’m really critical of myself for not being proficient in German. Since I can’t speak the language, I have a hard time fitting in and end up feeling alone or misunderstood, leading to yet another round of harsh self-criticism.

I lost count of how many times I’ve received the advice not to be too hard on myself this way.

The negative voice in my head has become so familiar and automatic that I don’t always realize how often I beat myself up.

Mine turned into a habit so strong that it became the first thing I did whenever I thought I’d failed or made a mistake.

Whenever I have negative thoughts about myself, it can be hard for me to notice how they affect my mood, behavior, and interactions. These are only a few of the effects I’m aware of, and they took a long time for me to notice:

• Low self-esteem that shows me in a bad light and makes me appear unworthy, incompetent, and not good enough.
• Anxiety that makes me feel lost and helpless even more.
• Friendship/relationship problems, where I became overly critical of others and pulled myself away from social settings (sorry, my love, iykyk 😔).

I’m in dire need of more self-compassion and forgiveness. And I do realize it’s a skill that everyone can learn with time and practice. So this is me making peace with my inner critic:

🤗 Making myself the dearest friend

I’m simply not aware of how I’m treating myself sometimes, especially when I’m focused on my goals and responsibilities that I forget to check in with and give myself the care and attention I need.

You and I wouldn’t do this to a friend, so why do we do it to ourselves?

The notion of being our own best friend means treating ourselves with the same love, kindness, and compassion we’d offer our closest friend. It means to be kind to ourselves and to accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all.

Think about what we would tell a friend who is having a hard time, and then tell ourselves the same things. In fact, I’m going to do it right here and now:

“Hey, Devi. I know it’s hard to feel like you don’t belong, but that’s all right. You’re in a different place where people speak a different language and have a different culture. That’s a lot to handle, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

Just remember that you’re doing the best you can. You literally moved across the continent, which not many people can do! It’s okay to take things at your own pace. Keep practicing your language skills while building meaningful connections. You’ll find your place and your people, and it will feel sooo good when you do. Just be patient with yourself and keep taking those small steps forward, even if it seems like progress is slow. I love you, you brave adventurer.”

🤔 Seek feedback

More often than not, I’m not aware of my own patterns when engaging in self-criticism. This is where I think an outside perspective can be helpful.

That’s why I make it my mission to ask trusted friends for feedback when they notice me engaging in negative self-talk.

🌎️ Remembering that mistakes and struggles happen to everybody else

I met so many people who seem to have it all together. This feeling became stronger as of recent in my climbing trip to Arco, where the other friends in our group are very skilled climbers.

Now that I think about it, I often beat myself up when comparing myself to others because I focus on their strengths and successes. Also, what makes these friends so good also must've come from a series of setbacks and struggles. The fact remains: everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges. Everyone has their own journey and struggles. But that's how we move forward.

We’re all human, and it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.

Disclaimer: Everything expressed here comes from my personal experience. I never claim to be an expert.

🌱 Fun to know

​I Hate Traveling Solo—And I’m Totally Okay With That​

“In fact, I’ve given myself permission to never have to travel solo again if I don’t want to.” This sentence and, by extension, the rest of this article, is just so powerful to me.

​While Time Remains: A North Korean Defector's Search for Freedom in America​

(not an affiliate link) A book I'm currently reading, written by Yeonmi Park and Jordan B. Peterson (Foreword). Once again I want to be whisked away by the journey of this brave North Korean woman... this time in the land of "Yankee devils" (her words, not mine) themselves, the US. 🇺🇸

📢 Shout-outs

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Life as an 🇮🇩 in 🇩🇪

Hello from sunny Northern Italy! 🌞

It’s been almost three months since I last sent out my newsletter, wow! As I’ve shared there, I took the time to focus on my semester’s term papers, my new student job, and everything else. That includes preparing for the trip I'm taking right now!

Before Milan, I was in Arco, a lovely town famous for its abundance of outdoor pursuits, including rock climbing. My boyfriend and I boarded a direct train from München Ostbahnhof to Rovereto for about 4 hours. So if you’re living in München, it can be really easy to escape to northern Italy every time 😛

In a group of five, we ascended beautiful mountains with views of the surrounding area. I departed earlier to experience cities like Brescia, Milan, and Bergamo. Most of what I've read online has been good, so I thought, why not see them myself?

I can't wait to see what May brings. More trips are coming (stay tuned!), and fun nights to be in. A German friend of mine already comes back from her exciting Erasmus program, and I’m looking forward to hosting her and another best friend for dinner at my place soon. If the karaoke night my boyfriend and I hosted was any indication, this one is bound to be a hit as well.

I hope you enjoy this letter. Really miss writing and talking to you like this. See you at the next one. 💕

Cheers,

Devi