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Hey you,

Love has a way of sweeping us off our feet, filling our hearts with warmth and hope. But beneath the surface of bliss, a quiet fear lingers—an unspoken worry that whispers, “What if it all slips away?”

Such a thought visits me occasionally whenever I nestle into the cozy nook of our couch, wrapped in the warmth of his arms. We’d giggle and playfully map out our dreams for the future.

Amidst the tenderness, doubts like, “What if life takes us on different paths? What if our dreams clash, leaving us at a crossroads?” would momentarily cloud my mind.

Guess not even love is immune to fear.

One paradoxical truth of love: the deeper our connection, the stronger our fear of losing it. Being intertwined with another soul means that it’s only natural for fear of losing the connection to emerge.

I’ve experienced the loss of family members and friends. Be it death or mere separation. I mostly forgot how it felt, but I remember the pain.

You’d think that, at some point, it’d become easier with each loss. But it doesn’t, just like what the quote above says. I still refuse to accept the thought of losing people I hold dear.

But on one side, I also realize something.

This fear reminds me that I’ve opened myself up to vulnerability, willingly exposing my heart to the possibility of pain.

And I’d do it again and again. To those I hold dear.

It is within the fragile beauty of attachment that we find the courage to confront our fears.

• Having an expression of our capacity for love isn't a weakness.
• Navigating this fear requires us to embrace the uncertainty and acknowledge that we can’t control the future.

It means honoring the depth of our emotions while recognizing that love, like life itself, is a journey of unknown twists and turns. Here’s what I do to help me navigate this fear and strengthen the connections I cherish:

🎁 Reveling in the present

For as long as I can remember, I tend to prepare for worst-case scenarios. It’s almost as if my mind is wired to anticipate potential pitfalls and heartbreak.

But those simple joys of cuddling with my partner or laughing together with friends... they’re too precious to be replaced for a future that hasn’t happened yet.

I have this mantra: “I’m gonna let my future-me deal with it later.” And, yes, sometimes it’s hard to commit to this. I’m still learning to deal with my negative thoughts. But whenever I manage, I feel like I cultivate a sense of gratitude for what I have.

Whether it’s a quiet evening cuddling on the couch or a spontaneous adventure, embrace the joy and gratitude for the love we have right now.

👫 Nurture individuality

My boyfriend and I encourage each other to pursue personal interests and hobbies that light a fire within us. But besides writing, I’m still trying to find something else I’m truly passionate about.

My search for my own passions has to do with the fact that my boyfriend and I need our own space, both physically and emotionally. Eventually, it’ll maintain a healthy sense of self.

📈 Embrace the journey of growth

Fear often masks deeper emotions and insecurities. That's why, to me, it’s such a curious thought to approach it with a willingness to learn instead of allowing it to paralyze me.

With each self-reflection, I realized that every fear, doubt, and uncertainty can be reframed as a chance for personal development.

By reframing the fear of losing connection as an opportunity for growth, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness.

As we navigate the fear of losing what we hold dear, within the depths of it lies the potential for profound growth, resilience, and a love that transcends the uncertainties of life.

Disclaimer: Everything expressed here comes from my personal experience. I never claim to be an expert.

🔙 ICYMI

​Job hunt today: advanced, yet still flawed​

So much for having it easier, right? 💼

​Got no purpose? Go wander​

An option not everyone’s comfortable with. 🥾

📢 Shout-outs

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Life as an 🇮🇩 in 🇩🇪

It’s already been one week since Portugal, and I’m still pretty much in a vacation mood. 🏖️

But returning home felt so good. Seeing my boyfriend’s eyes sparkle with affection as we embraced. It’s also a good chance to rest, especially since I hurt my left ankle.

I quickly went back to work on Monday, catching up with everything. On Thursday, we hosted a game night with my friends. The air was filled with cheerful banter, contagious excitement, and the occasional burst of laughter that echoed through the room. We played Exploding Kittens and Love Letter, by the way, perhaps you've heard of them?

This week, my boyfriend and I will take a quick trip to Bad Schandau, a small town in Saxon-Switzerland. We’ll do something called Multi-Pitch climbing, which I’ve no idea about. 😳 But we’ll find easy routes to accommodate my mediocre climbing skills, so I hope I’ll like it.

For transportation, we bought the 49-Euro Ticket or the Deutschland Ticket (D-Ticket for short). It’s monthly subscription-based for now and can be used for various means of public transport (except for fast trains like ICE and IC). It’s a pretty good deal, I’d say.

I hope you enjoy this letter. See you at the next one. 💕

Cheers,

Devi