Hey you,

I’ve never thought of myself as anything other than a writer, marketer, and creator, at least in the last few years.

Last month, I talked about my career with my boyfriend. We knew I’d need backup plans if writing, marketing, and creating didn’t pan out.

I told him I’d love to work in the service industry. Perhaps somewhere like a cafe, bakery, or hostel. Although I never intended to work in this sector full-time, I’ve had previous experience. And they’re some of the best jobs I’ve ever had.

Why was the experience so great was because of a straightforward reason: I liked to make others feel better by doing good for them. By offering them good service with good hospitality.

But I also wonder. Isn’t all that already what “service” means? Service makes more of what’s supposed to be already good.

Does that mean I do good for others… to make myself feel good?

That’s kinda selfish. And I feel like I just come across as pretentious when doing it.

But by the end of this week’s reflection, I realized that it’s more selfless than it appears to be.

If I feel good, my doing good for people will also feel more meaningful. Eventually…

Some of the things I call service are inherently self-service.

Self-service is the practice of serving oneself. And I think it’s fine if my good deeds for others involve it.

Anything that causes harm to others in the name of “service” is one that should be avoided.

More importantly:

• Even if we don’t realize it, doing good for others makes us feel good because, in some way, we care about them.
• Not feeling good about helping others is a sign of selfishness. It’d mean you care more about yourself than anyone else.

Doing good for others = doing good for ourselves.

💭 The choice to do good is ours

Let’s not hide the truth: the world is full of wickedness. No matter how nice and good we are to others, we won’t always get the same in return. So it makes sense to be skeptical here.

But keep in mind that each choice we make makes us who we are.

Doing good, especially for those who have wronged us, takes guts. We may be faced with the choice, for example, to get even or move on.

I once got hurt by someone who abused their power, leading me to seek counseling. Many people I went to for comfort told me I could always lodge an official complaint with the organization. I chose not to.

Some might think what I did was stupid or a sign of weakness. And maybe they’d choose the other option because it made them feel much better.

But I thought long and hard about my decision, and I cared more about how it affected my peace of mind. If I did the opposite, I figured I’d just set myself up for more pain. Maybe, instead of apologizing, they’d exercise the same behavior again to prove their point. Who knew.

You see, my choice would never affect that person’s behavior. I couldn't control how they treated me, but I could choose how I treated them. I chose to move on rather than fall to their level for the sake of winning.

🚫 Put up boundaries

Doing too much good can sometimes backfire, even if it makes us feel good. But we can minimize the impact by setting boundaries.

Setting boundaries requires insight, intuition, and instinct. Hone in on these. Saying yes or no whenever the situation calls for it will reveal our limits. Our observation will show us a clear difference between the unworthy takers and givers of our goodwill.

With healthy boundaries in place, doing good for others can feel even more fulfilling.

🪞 Reflect

​The Hard Truths is my space to do self-reflection every week. It’s been such an eye-opener.

We can take a similar approach by self-checking our good deeds.

Ask ourselves what we do to put it into practice. Do we do good mostly when other people are around? Were there times when we felt like we had to do good instead of wanting to? Did it make you feel good?

Kindness is genuine when we don’t try to show others we’re kind.

We feel real happiness when we do things for ourselves. If we reflect and see something different, our ostensibly selfless self-service may have turned into something else.

​

Disclaimer: Everything expressed here comes from my personal experience. I never claim to be an expert.

🌱 Good to know

​When Doing Good Boosts Health, Well-Being​

Who knows that doing good for others improves our psychological well-being too? The American Psychological Association (APA) discusses it more in their published study, adding a warning that while doing good for others feels rewarding, it doesn't always benefit the doer. 🤯

​What makes a loving relationship​

You know what else is good? Building a loving relationship that goes beyond feeling the butterflies. Or the lovey-dovey gestures. 🥰 🥰

​Drive-by Kindness series by La La Land​

La La Land prides itself on being “in the business of kindness.” Their food looks delicious, but what I like most about their Instagram page is their Drive-by Kindness reel series. The idea is to simply drive around to spread love and kindness to complete strangers. I find it so wholesome! 🥹

Life as an 🇮🇩 in 🇩🇪

It's been a whole month since my last post! 😳

After writing the last issue about my distaste towards modern job search, I treated the rest of December 2022 as some sort of me-time. December also happens to be my birth month, which made it even more special.

During that time, I baked cookies, enjoyed the performances of a choir and symphony orchestra, and even got sick (thank goodness it wasn’t COVID-19). I took a break from social media and job applications. And Christmas? I got to spend it in Prague, which was a real treat!

After such a good time, I'm now finding it rather difficult to resume my writing routine. It's just been a week since 2023 began, but I felt like I'd been stalling.

One thing I know is that consistency is a great deal when it comes to producing content. I’ve seen creators lose their audience just because they didn’t post for a while. I don’t have that much of an audience yet, so I’m not concerned about it. But I still need to commit to writing every week so that it feels natural again.

I hope sending out this first issue in 2023 will give me more drive.

​

I hope you enjoy this letter. See you at the next one. 💕

Cheers,

Devi